Page Thirty-Three: Secrets

I'm not much of a complainer, I swear. Just this one time.

Don't tell anybody, but today I'm that girl that makes excuses for another person because it makes her feel better. I'm that awful girl who justifies actions because it's easier to pretend everything's the same than it is to accept what's real.

One time my fortune cookie told me that affection is never wasted. I hope that's true.

Today I'm antsy. I have a shorter than normal attention span and the urge to get in my car and drive to the beach and forget about my little babies in sparkly leotards or scheduling a time slot in the production studio or catching up on my current events for my quiz tomorrow. I hate the news lately, anyways.

I think the best times in our lives are a double-edged sword. Sometimes the best times in our lives make everyday life less satisfying.

I wish I could practice half of what I preach.

Today I'm accepting a theory as fact. Give someone the opportunity to let you down, and they will take it. I don't like that I believe this. It's not very me to think this way at all. It seems like the safer bet to swallow this understanding, though.

I'm scared for the next couple of months and I'm mad that losing people is a part of life. I've never wanted time to move slower and faster at the same time until now.

I took the bus home from campus today and a big part of me wanted to run away to a big city again, where I could ride on busses where no one knows me every single day.

I'm a chronic thinker. Even when I'm sleeping my mind goes crazy. I'd pay $100 dollars to have an on/off switch for it.

I pretend to care about a lot more things than I actually care about. I can fake enthusiasm and interest and concern really well.

I hate when I realize that the only times that I pray are when I'm sad or scared or needing or wanting.

Word vomit. I feel better know.